(The Break-Up) (12/4/10)

If I could be with anyone in this world right now I would be with. I think about him so much. I am thinking about him right now, I wish he were near me. I really like him. I should have known better than to even let it get to this point. This blog is specifically put in place to describe the things he told me last time we spoke. He told me that the sex him & I had was some of the best sex he's ever had, because it was adventurous, spontaneous, and because of the look in my eyes. I really wish I lived in N.Y. right now. I am so far away. Last time we spoke he told me that he would come to Boston to see me. I would LOOOOOOOOVE for him to come here to see me, but I live with Him. Where was He when I lived in Quincy, alone? He said, "I just had a realization, having sex with you was some of the best sex I've ever had." He is so eloquent with words. I can't forget the time we spent with one another nor how amazing he is, although I am probably one of a million, I don't have much in my life that reminds me of light & love & happiness. The other one reminds me of sadness and darkness, and violence. That hurts a great deal and I wish that He was here with me at this very moment. Cuddling up with me & making me laugh.

Wonderful Realization (October 7. 2010)

Today I watched a bunch of inspirational videos featuring some of our great African-American leaders such as Cornel West, Malcolm X and James Baldwin. I have been inspired by them to further my education and make sure that I am not bombarded with images of self-hatred. I should have been taking notes, I need a lot more education. I need to learn how to talk properly and I will. I will dedicate my energy to self preservation, dedication and hard work. I will be 24 years old soon and I am not going to let time pass me by. I need an education. I want to start from scratch if I can. I just want to become a better person. I have been told that I am good at writing but now as I go back and look at my journey I have not worked very hard on my writing, instead I have put a lot of time and energy into frivolous things. The first thing I have to learn how to do is to speak correctly, and in order to do that I have to speak. I have always been a quiet individual. I wish I hadn't lost a sense of hope. I am not inferior and I am not incompetent and I have just as good of a right as anyone else to to great.