"I HAVE often wondered why the farthest position always feels so right to me; why extremes, though difficult and sometimes painful to maintain, are always more comfortable." --Audre Lorde from Zami: a new spelling of my name.
"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." --Anais Nin
love fearlessly...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Valediction...
"...how would you expect garbage to know what a diamond looks like?" --anonymous
Well I am fed up, I am sick and tired of waking up feeling like ish in the morning all because of the non-sense that consumes my mind regarding a certain individual. I sit around asking, "Why aren't things working in my favor? Does he hate/dislike me? How do I get him to see me for the person I am truly am? What has distorted his vision of me? Why do I love him? Why is it so hard to get him off my mind?" 22 at war!!!! Is what it feels like when I can't find the answers to any of these questions, but I know they are near.
For now they are just lost in the ocean of my own thoughts swimming farther and farther away from the land called "My Brain".
Because loving him seems pointless at the end of the day and because loving him seems to hurt more than it feels pleasurable. This is a documentation of my valediction to walk away from the love that I am currently feeling, although I will probably feel the same way in the morning. The first step towards my freedom is declaring it. Nothing has been more true than my feelings towards him and since I truly love him, even though he doesn't love me back, I understand that love conquers all and on the long journey towards a love that has failed me I have only gained a victory that has made me stronger and made me fresher, flyer, and wittier for the next best love that comes around.
Okay, so while watching random videos on youtube I stumbled upon this:
I watched this video a couple of times. I cried the first few times because this girl sounds like she may have stole the thoughts right out of my head or maybe even tapped into my brain for a few hours before she wrote this poem. She expresses my sentiments exactly in particular lines of this poem. Some lines illustrate the current situation that I have written about above, other lines illustrate interactions that I have had in the past.
While watching this video I realized one important thing, in the midst of the storm your vision is blurry, therefore you cannot see the face of the robber while he is stealing and committing a crime. It is not until afterwards that you realized that your money drawer has been wiped dry and you're left with nothing but an dry & ashy face caused by tears from all of the pain and turmoil that you endured. This video also helped me realized that a lost love does nothing more but help you find the courage to move on and seek other possibilities. It also helps you view an inner respect that you may not have seen before, thus making you even more beautiful than you were when you began your race with this person, that same beauty that had him, "calling you baby and holding your hand behind closed doors."
Well I am fed up, I am sick and tired of waking up feeling like ish in the morning all because of the non-sense that consumes my mind regarding a certain individual. I sit around asking, "Why aren't things working in my favor? Does he hate/dislike me? How do I get him to see me for the person I am truly am? What has distorted his vision of me? Why do I love him? Why is it so hard to get him off my mind?" 22 at war!!!! Is what it feels like when I can't find the answers to any of these questions, but I know they are near.
For now they are just lost in the ocean of my own thoughts swimming farther and farther away from the land called "My Brain".
Because loving him seems pointless at the end of the day and because loving him seems to hurt more than it feels pleasurable. This is a documentation of my valediction to walk away from the love that I am currently feeling, although I will probably feel the same way in the morning. The first step towards my freedom is declaring it. Nothing has been more true than my feelings towards him and since I truly love him, even though he doesn't love me back, I understand that love conquers all and on the long journey towards a love that has failed me I have only gained a victory that has made me stronger and made me fresher, flyer, and wittier for the next best love that comes around.
Okay, so while watching random videos on youtube I stumbled upon this:
I watched this video a couple of times. I cried the first few times because this girl sounds like she may have stole the thoughts right out of my head or maybe even tapped into my brain for a few hours before she wrote this poem. She expresses my sentiments exactly in particular lines of this poem. Some lines illustrate the current situation that I have written about above, other lines illustrate interactions that I have had in the past.
While watching this video I realized one important thing, in the midst of the storm your vision is blurry, therefore you cannot see the face of the robber while he is stealing and committing a crime. It is not until afterwards that you realized that your money drawer has been wiped dry and you're left with nothing but an dry & ashy face caused by tears from all of the pain and turmoil that you endured. This video also helped me realized that a lost love does nothing more but help you find the courage to move on and seek other possibilities. It also helps you view an inner respect that you may not have seen before, thus making you even more beautiful than you were when you began your race with this person, that same beauty that had him, "calling you baby and holding your hand behind closed doors."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
mai lamore. birds of paradise.
What do you think about these: like them? love them? ewww, bird on my foot?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
results to my lover style test...
..don't usually take tests like this one, but it caught my attention & the results seem to be veryyyyyy accurate. enjoy.
Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...
The Liberated Lover
59% partner focus, 52% aggressiveness, 60% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.
The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."
In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.
Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all) or the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.
Congratulations!
Nerds, Geeks & Dorks
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST
You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.
The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."
In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.
Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all) or the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.
Congratulations!
Nerds, Geeks & Dorks
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST
Friday, May 1, 2009
J*Davey "Get Together"
This video is absolutely amazing, I think I've watched it over ten times. J*Davey is a wonderful performer, her energy is off the chain, she performs like she is in the mirror in her bedroom and no one is watching.
food for thought...
...guess what? I have decided that I am going to do daily or weekly posts on my blog spot starting today. Might just end up being weekly or every other day, seeing as though sometimes I get so busy I don't have the time to write, but wow! that's not good at all, feels like I can't function properly sometimes if I don't write, so yes, I will make time for my dearest love. I think my next post will have something to do with the standards & expectations of a true friend. It seems to be a topic that has come up often in recent conversations, so I guess I will have a lot to share on the topic. In the meantime, stay beautiful ladies & stay handsome fellas, I shall be back in a few brief moments. lol
"if you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it."
- anais nin, diarist/writer
"if you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it."
- anais nin, diarist/writer
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