Valediction...

"...how would you expect garbage to know what a diamond looks like?" --anonymous

Well I am fed up, I am sick and tired of waking up feeling like ish in the morning all because of the non-sense that consumes my mind regarding a certain individual. I sit around asking, "Why aren't things working in my favor? Does he hate/dislike me? How do I get him to see me for the person I am truly am? What has distorted his vision of me? Why do I love him? Why is it so hard to get him off my mind?" 22 at war!!!! Is what it feels like when I can't find the answers to any of these questions, but I know they are near.

For now they are just lost in the ocean of my own thoughts swimming farther and farther away from the land called "My Brain".
Because loving him seems pointless at the end of the day and because loving him seems to hurt more than it feels pleasurable. This is a documentation of my valediction to walk away from the love that I am currently feeling, although I will probably feel the same way in the morning. The first step towards my freedom is declaring it. Nothing has been more true than my feelings towards him and since I truly love him, even though he doesn't love me back, I understand that love conquers all and on the long journey towards a love that has failed me I have only gained a victory that has made me stronger and made me fresher, flyer, and wittier for the next best love that comes around.

Okay, so while watching random videos on youtube I stumbled upon this:




I watched this video a couple of times. I cried the first few times because this girl sounds like she may have stole the thoughts right out of my head or maybe even tapped into my brain for a few hours before she wrote this poem. She expresses my sentiments exactly in particular lines of this poem. Some lines illustrate the current situation that I have written about above, other lines illustrate interactions that I have had in the past.

While watching this video I realized one important thing, in the midst of the storm your vision is blurry, therefore you cannot see the face of the robber while he is stealing and committing a crime. It is not until afterwards that you realized that your money drawer has been wiped dry and you're left with nothing but an dry & ashy face caused by tears from all of the pain and turmoil that you endured. This video also helped me realized that a lost love does nothing more but help you find the courage to move on and seek other possibilities. It also helps you view an inner respect that you may not have seen before, thus making you even more beautiful than you were when you began your race with this person, that same beauty that had him, "calling you baby and holding your hand behind closed doors."